Real Housewives

Oh, RHONY. What can I say to give justice to this show? It makes me laugh, it makes me cry, it makes me want to never argue with a friend. And by cry, I mean laugh so hard until cry. Trust me, I'm not getting emotional over LuAnn divorcing her husband and her "hard times." These bitches are straight up ridiculous and that's why I love them. Let's be honest, they have way too much money and time on their hands. In fact, I raise my hands up every time I hear Jill Zarin yell at Bethenny in Season 2 saying "You're not gonna ruin my night. This is MY charity event." Even in this exact moment that I'm writing this I think to myself "Trent, you have too much time on your hands. Why are you so invested?" And it's true. I am totally invested. But my reasoning isn't based on how much I care, but how little my life has to do with theirs. I live in a one bedroom apartment covered in wood-paneling and white cinder block walls in Mississippi with my fiance Nelson. Their park avenue co-ops and my shitty storm shelter apartment do not a relationship make. But I live the simple life. I work, finishing up college this summer, and get legit happy when I have enough money to buy shrimp and make a fantastic pasta. But this is why the show is so enjoyable to me. They're running around town, promoting books about manners and skinnygirl margaritas and god knows what else, and all the while constantly getting offended if one of their equally annoying counterparts don't "show up" to their charity events or book signings. It gives me a little entertainment in my hum drum life. And boy is it hum drum. I just told you guys that shrimp is one of the more exciting events in my life. If that ain't hum drum, then I guess I'll just settle for stuffed chicken.

Poor Nelson can't even keep his throw up down everytime the Bravo network is on. Now, he enjoys the Kathy Griffin as do I, but everytime this show is one I hear him dip out to the bedroom to figure out who's gonna be in the bottom three of So You Think You Can Dance. I guess we have our things. Mine is to listen to these gaggle of vaginas yell and sqauk and he would rather vote 12 times on his phone to make sure Robert stays next week so he can do his "contemporary" dances. Yes, those quotes around "contemporary" are hostile ones. But that's another post. So, I guess this means I can't technically make fun of people who watch "The Hills." Notice the operative word technically, but I'll take my hypocrisy any way I can get it. "The Hills" is an awful show about over-privelaged young white folks who eat salads and stare at each other with the word "Like" all too present in their vocabulary. Oh, and throw a few guitar strums brought to you buy Ryan Cabrera and you have a show. But to each their own.

And now the 3rd season of RHONY is over. What am I to do? If Bethenny doesn't come back, I'm pretty sure I'll dvr it and fast forward to the more interesting shit. That Kelly Bensimon is one crazy bitch so if anything we still have her bag of crazy bullshit neuroses to rifle through. Until then, I'll just keep watching re-runs where LuAnn goes to visit underprivileged kids in Brooklyn and say ridiculous shit like "I think the kids really enjoyed the fact that I took time out of my day to spend it with them." Oh yeah, LuAnn. They're over the fucking moon. Good thing you took time out of your day to grace them with your presence.